NOW

Ok so shtuff happens everyday that I deem just everyday shtuff but in actuality its the Goo Goo juice that life is made of, thus its all important. Today’s rumination with self is WHY do i do what I do? Why is it important for people to hear what I have to say and care about what I do on the world wide stage? First part of me says cause you want to and that’s good enough to do it. TRUE. But why else? Is it just for vanity? Do I want to be the person that helps US Weekly make its sales quota? Am I hunkering down so they can ask me what I am wearing on the carpet after a deep and moving statement I’ve made describing my motivation for my last role, or album?

WHY WHY WHY?

Now you may be asking yourself why am I asking? Well It really is a spiritual question. Is this glamorous world of botox, updo’s, awards, special treatment, burn outs, slander, transcendence, etc in line with being of service to the world?

With all the madness that’s taking place on the planet does Entertainment Tonight need another mega watt smile to cover? Does billboard need another smash hit album to laud? Does Oscar need to make one more statue for a fabulous albeit glorified session of make believe? Does Grammy? Tony? VH1? With the starvation, deprivation in Africa, genocide in Armenia?

The answer is…..ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!!!!!

the world is soul-free without all the show-offs and artisans mimicking God’s great creation. Rock on in spite of all the bullshit! This world is alright we are right where we need to need to be. There is no future…there is only NOW!

Lost out on a great role!

Man there I was after the table read and one of the most amazing auditions I’d had in a long time, standing in front of Tyler Perry I shook off the shakes and I was ready. They said when ever you’re ready start. I came out of the gate like a hungry hound and I barked orders, made faces, had a near break down (planned) I showed that reader what the fuck I had come for!!! The room was silent as I finished, real silent, nothing moved.

Then I look up at Tyler like okay whats next and then everyone came back to their senses. With a deep exhalation and a nod…Ok ok good job thank you Mustafa!!! I took off out of that Adaz hotel lobby and onto Sunset Blvd on that uncharacteristically gray and damp morning and without provocation I yelled at the heavens YES!!! Thats all I asked I wanted to show up and do my best! I did a few Kobe fist pumps as I jumped in my whip and headed back to work, sent a few I’m sorry texts to clients I had to bail on and called my manager.

“Mike! I did the damn thing its all up to God now,” I said. “I did my part!!!” He excitedly replied, “Great Mustafa! I will call you later with an update!” Fast forward three hours later and I’m checking my email and I see a two part message the bottom part says “sorry Mike.” WTF!!!! I jump on the phone call Mike up like no!!! He said in a low tone yeah kiddo they said they had some stronger choices. Whattyamean stronger choices?!! I brought the building down.

This five month build up destroyed in a matter of hours. I planned to get away see Atlanta hang with some old friends there. Play a few music venues…live a little! Zilch! Zero! Zip!

Why? I needed this to take me to the next level I’m sitting in the wings for a loooong time waiting for my break with everyone telling me how talented I am. Fuck if not for me, can you at least do it for these poor schmucks that think that I have a chance in hell?

Man I didn’t feel a sting like this since…hmmm well I lost out on the Barbershop series, or possibly the Cedric Entertainer show…when after the test at the studios I worked an event as a server. Yes as a server, I got kids, walked in with drinks and who the hell was the honored speaker? Of fargin course Cedric the Entertainer and no…wait it gets better. Who was assigned to his table? You guessed it your little brother and ‘nem Mustafa Shakir. I walk up to him with his special cocktail and before he could get it out I say to him, ” you can say you knew me when….” We had a good laugh and I continued to serve him and his folks.

The point is they all hurt. They are all great build ups that go one way or the other. But this one made me want to do something different. It made me want excellence in a way that I don’t think I ever wanted. Not that It was how good I was or wasn’t that cost me the roles. It was the idea that when it does pan out in my favor and it will some more, I will be undeniably the shit! It truly is in God’s hands.

thanks Tyler!

M*

Fuck IT!

Lately I’ve been thinking about mortality and passion. We don’t have alot of time yet at times it feels like it couldn’t go any slower. My thoughts about death are actually positive. I think about the fact that someday I’m gonna kick the bucket and it makes me feel a greater urgency to do something amazing or at the very least do something that I fear. I think to myself what if I die today and I never tried to do it. I’ll probably feel like a BIG ASS as I cross over to the next world. It also helps me to snap out of any thoughts that are counterproductive. This next leg of my journey as an artist is what spawned all of this.

I spent quite a bit of time concerned with propriety and what was the “best” course of action and at the end of the day I paralyzed myself from doing what I really wanted to do.  I now feel like if I don’t just go ape shit based on what’s in my heart then I will have cheated you all! Can’t have that! I feel RE-InSPIRED to be as authentic as I possibly can. I know some people will say “of course” but most often people are not. I look around and see a lot of conformity. Well to that I say Fuck IT! I gotta get this crazy shit I got going on in my head and heart out and give the world something of value!

I feel like the world is my canvas and i can paint whatever I want!!!

Stay tuned!!!

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